It is with the saddest heart that we pass on the following:
Please join me in remembering a great icon - Pop-N-Fresh Doughboy. Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection. A close relative, Uncle Ben, said his health problems may have been complicated by too much sugar in his nephew's system. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The funeral home was piled high with flours.
Long-time friend, Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. In his later years, he appeared on the talk show circuit, telling America how he overcame an addiction to chocolate chips.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Playdough, and two children. The couple also had a bun in the oven. He is also survived by a child from a previous marriage, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.