They Finally Caught The Paranoid
date: 7/13/2000
ref: 309475683903

Washington (AP): In a joint DEA/FBI press conference, Deputy Director Henry Clouseau announced that the notorious Paranoid was finally tracked down and arrested earlier today. Clouseau was quoted as saying: "It was our well-organized task force that accomplished our 5 year mission. Cooporation from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and Interpol was essential to locating and detaining this mentally ill man who imagined that everyone was out to get him".

Assistant Director Charles Parker, who coordinated the efforts of the New York Emergency Response Team and the Los Angeles Police Department helicoptors, was pleased with the results of the K-9 units that finally cornered the Paranoid on the bluffs of the Mississippi, east of St. Louis. "Now he can get the help he needs to rid himself of these fantasies".

A highly-placed White House source indicated that the President did not have a comment on the arrest, but noted that he would probably review the CIA surveillance tapes at a later date.

the end